i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
