Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
