I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
