I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
