my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
