Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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