Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
