is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mom said you looked used
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
