Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
accomplished twins. life is a go
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
