Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
