The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
