some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
