You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
