so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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