Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
