your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Never joke about your clitoris.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
