Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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