I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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