Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
