you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
