guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
