That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
