I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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