i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
