You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
