I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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