She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
