i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
