should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
