Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we're so committed to being not committed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
