Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
