I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
