The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
