i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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