Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they need to just BURY HIM!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
