OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
