just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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