now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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