This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
