I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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