I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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