He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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