my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
