Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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