I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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