He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
