I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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