...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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