Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
