Little spoons don't ask big questions
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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