I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just pee around me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
